David Sedaris Recounts a Story About a Pug Eating Its Own Eye


-I want to ask about this. I know you do
a lot of book signings. And because — that you write
about personal things and because you narrate a lot of your — you read
a lot of your work, so I think, I feel as though
people might feel like they know you even more
than they do. Obviously, more than they do. But are people personal
with you? Do they tell you personal things when they come
to your book signings? -Oh, I invite it. I mean, I would never —
when I go get a book signed, I stand in line, and I think,
“What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say?” And… So I want to take that away
from people, so I just ask them a question.
Or, you know, someti– Like, I was
in Germany recently. So I would say,
“When was the last time you saw your parents naked?” And if you asked that
in America, people will say, “I don’t know.
Like, I was 6 months old.” And in Germany they say,
“What’s today?” [ Laughter ]
Like… They all — they just walk
around the house naked all the time. -You were in Norway. I mean, you’re known worldwide.
How was your trip to Norway? -Norway is — It’s staggering
how beautiful it is. -Yes, it is.
-But — So you’ve been? -I have, yeah. -But you go to the country,
y’all can be in the country, and then you get three
sandwiches and a cup of coffee, and it’s $100. I mean, it’s crazy.
-Yeah. -It’s like my friend
David Rakoff used to say, it’s like your weight on Mars. You know, like,
if you went to Mars, they would say, “well, you might
be 163 pounds here, but on Mars,
you would weigh 700 tons.” So that’s what the prices
are like in Norway. But we went to this restaurant
in Norway, and they had — It said, “Smoked whale served with
ecological sour cream.” [ Laughter ] So it’s like, bad news about
the whale, but… [ Laughter ] …really good news about
the cow. -What — Have people asked you
to be — to personalize writing when they sign the books? What’s the strangest thing
people have asked you to do with their book signing? -I mean,
sometimes people say… I mean, this must happen
to you — “Keep laughing.” And it’s like, I would never
put that in my own… -Yeah.
-…’cause that makes it sound like I think my book is funny. I’m not gonna do that. But this woman came up recently
and she said, “My daughter has been awful
to me for years, and I want you to
write something so when I die, she’ll find it in the book
and feel really bad.” [ Laughter ]
So… she said… “I want you to write,
‘Dear Barbara, I’m sorry Claire has been
so awful to you.'” And I wasn’t gonna write that,
so I wrote, “Dear Barbara, your story about “the infant son
you put up for adoption all those years ago
touched my heart.” That’s…
[ Laughter ] that’s how you destroy
your daughter. -Did you — Now what is —
Did some… [ Laughter ] What did someone
tell you about — I know there’s a story. Someone told you something
about a pug. Their pug?
-Okay. -How did it come about? -I was signing books,
and this woman — I don’t know how it started,
but this woman… So her pug had an operation
on its eye, and so it had a cone
around its neck. And so it just wouldn’t shut up
about the cone. It was whining. And so she took the cone off, and the dog scratched
at its eye, and its eye popped out
of his head, and he ate it. [ Audience “Ohs” ]
Okay? So… so somebody told me that story
at a book signing, and then I repeated it the next
night, and this woman said, well — she said —
she was a psychiatrist with the prison system
in New Mexico, and a prisoner dug both his eyes
out with a teaspoon. And he ate the first one, but he
couldn’t find the second one. [ Laughter ]
Okay? -That’s like a fable. [ Laughter ] -And then I met
somebody else who — But he was a crazy person,
and he — -Oh, was he?
-He said there was a — [ Laughter ]
-No, this was a — this was another person.
-Okay, gotcha. -But he said — he thought there
was a camera behind his eye. -Oh, gotcha. -So he dug his eyes out
with a — -All right.
I would say in the end, the pug’s the one that’s
the most easy to understand. -Well, that just is
such a dog — I mean, I’m not a dog person.
-Yeah. That’s a good argument
why not to be. -That a dog would eat
its own eye. -Yeah.
-A dog would think, “My gosh, I’m blind,
but…it’s a snack.” -Yeah.
-I mean, I guess. [ Laughter ] -I cannot thank you enough
for being here. Please come back.
-Oh, I would love to.

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51 Responses

  1. Masson H says:

    Just bought a NEW CAR!

    The 10% tax cut will kick in at any time now!

    Trump is GREAT!

  2. nickie216 says:

    David Sedaris is the actual love of my life. Insert swoon here.

  3. Jessica Lee says:

    Mars' gravity is just over 1/3 as powerful as Earth (it's part of why it doesn't have a thick atmosphere), if you weigh 163 pounds on Earth, it would feel like 62 pounds on Mars (and 27 pounds on the Moon, just FYI). Maybe he's thinking of the gravity of neutron stars.

  4. Daniel Ferreira says:

    Such a dog eat dog world.

  5. Justine Louise says:

    i definitely love how seth adores david

  6. Justin O'Brien says:

    Mars: now with 7000% more gravity.

  7. will crow says:

    I brought a German family including grand parents and kids on a Whitewater Raft Trip down the Hudson River and they ALL wore THONG bathing suits, which i could NOT dissuade them from doing. Everyone's ass was red and sore within minutes and i saw more German 'foliage' than i've ever wanted to see.

  8. Roll0112358 says:

    My God, David Sedaris is a fantastic human being.

  9. Tya Sasongko says:

    I can't decide what's more delightful, David Sedaris or Seth fanboy-ing on David Sedaris.

  10. Joanne Burns says:

    Looks like David washed but didn’t iron his shirt collar. Eeeeeuuuuuw, almost worse than the pug story!!

  11. Article EightySix says:

    Who is this guy? What does he do? WHY don't they include the Intro and put Clips in their correct order? Inquiring minds want to know !

  12. Rogueles says:

    But…. it's a snack. Buwhahahahahahahaha!

  13. metusalem says:

    I find it too annoying that Americans don’t understand that just because american whalers ruined their ecosystem the same would be true in Norway.

  14. Robin D. Phillips says:

    ?????????? love David Sedaris!

  15. New Message says:

    So.. my takeaway… eyes are more filling than they look.

  16. Ann Marie says:

    I sucked in so much air when he said the dog ate the eye… OMFG!

  17. Sam says:

    love him so much

  18. Kerryming Sun says:

    He so sublimely funny

  19. Mark Callaghan says:

    You would actually weigh 10% less on mars

  20. TheMasheenist says:

    I’ve heard of people’s eyes being bigger than their stomach but not the case with these stories ?

  21. Spookay T'is Me says:

    0:59 Why does Seth seem pretty chilly toward this guest I can't help but wonder.

  22. DavePa little says:

    Hilarious

  23. WeyrSingerMWT says:

    I have a collection of signed books, and getting David Sedaris' autograph is one of my favorite book signing memories. He is every bit as delightful in person.

  24. ddddbbbb5 says:

    I've known of him for years and not read a single thing he's written. This interview changes things.

  25. Mary Jensen says:

    ‘AND HE ATE IT’. David never disappoints.

  26. shadygrove says:

    I want to say "you are such horrible human beings!" except I am laughing too hard and I am too busy typing "Seth" &
    "David Sedaris" into the search engine…

  27. F. S. says:

    The prisoner story is worse!

  28. Juno Geronimo says:

  29. Elle King says:

    ?????????????????????

  30. Volvican says:

    I love his books – but even his books don't quite seem to quite convey the macabre place his sensibility sits in. It's rather wonderful.

  31. pitbull teeth says:

    I absolutely love everything that David Sedaris has written!

  32. Alex T says:

    "he dug out his eyes, ate the first one but couldnt find the second one" is something aesop would write.

  33. JC Andrijeski says:

    Seriously with the eye stories? ?

  34. Lisa Lisa says:

    But the suit tho…
    ?

  35. bac says:

    Been a minute since I laughed at something so terrible. Great work david sedaris.

  36. mary hershelman says:

    He is so deliciously evil….

  37. pappypoe says:

    David Sedaris looks fantastic! Seth is the best.

  38. Gypsy SnickerDoodle says:

    No not listening to that

    Nope

  39. Oprahs FatAss says:

    I'm relieved this didn't turn out to be a story about people eating pugs.

  40. Dan Truitt says:

    Sedaris is a disgusting human being who allowed his sister to slip into poverty, did not lift a finger to help her, had a stage hand close the door in her face the last time she came to see him after a reading, and said, when asked if he could say anything to her, after she had asphyxiated herself with a plastic bag, "Could you repay me the money you owe me?" This from a man worth north of $10 million.

  41. A. Sch. says:

    Would someone please explain to me why his suit looks like he's slept in it for a month?

  42. Jace Cavacini says:

    That Mars analogy makes no sense

  43. Jace Cavacini says:

    Those eye stories are some of the most horrific things I’ve heard on late night comedy.

  44. Simone Miller says:

    I love David Sedaris.

  45. Tanya says:

    That's how you destroy your daughter ?

  46. Ellen ms says:

    I think that Seth is really good friends with his sister Amy , but I think David is humbly funny ?, love all his books and reads his stuff makes it even funnier.. ?

  47. Florian 2 says:

    He's an insufferable old bore: completely unbearable.

  48. BrightFart says:

    I don't believe that a pugs eye would come out far enough for it to be reachable. I may be wrong but I think this is apocryphal. I mean the optic nerve is not coiled up in there like an extension lead.

  49. K 209 says:

    David Sedaris ?

  50. KrustyFrank27 says:

    I now have a copy of When You Are Engulfed In Flames with the inscription "We spoke of ribeye."

  51. Jason Love says:

    Could never find that second eye.

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