Today I’ll be watching everyone else’s dogs all at once. You’ll probably come to this video being like, “Oh, Keith the dog hater,” “He’s gonna learn to become a dog lover.” F*** that not a chance, but I am gonna pick the best dog. It’s kind of like The Bachelor. Think of it like The Bachelor. [Zach offscreen] The Barchelor!
[Keith] The Barchelor! The Bark– Bark-chelor. It’s The Barkchshler! It’s The Barkchshler, starring me! [funky theme music] The other guys think I don’t like dogs. [Zach] Keith doesn’t like dogs. [Ned] I don’t think Keith likes dogs. Specifically my dog. It’s not that I don’t like dogs. I just don’t want a dog. They bark.
[dogs barking] They poop.
[fart sound] They need to eat. You gotta give ’em water. Can’t go out to dinner on a whim. Can’t leave your food on the coffee table for a second! Because the dogs gonna eat it! [Zach] I think Keith’s biggest, uh, Hatred in life is anything that keeps him from being party Keith. Fun fact: Keith loves to party. Ned had a baby, Eugene’s in Texas, and Zach feels left out and wants me to watch his dog, too. He’s also filming the video right now, so. I’m on my way to pick up Bean and I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever driven a car with a dog in it. [Ned] So this is Bean, he’s my dog. Bean is about to turn two years old. Oh, yes, hello! [Keith] He barks anytime anybody walks outside of Ned’s house and Ned lives across the street from a school. Bean Doodle is the name of the dog. This is his Instagram. [Ned in baby voice] Yes Bean, I know, I know, you’re so popular! [Bean licks camera]
Okay. [Keith] They all got Instagrams except for Emma and Pesto, because Emma and Pesto are not opportunities for financial gain. Means barking cuz I’m here. I got you, I got you, I got you. [Ned] Now a couple things you need to know about Bean. He has got a lot of energy. One way that you can calm him down is by doing tricks or exercises with him. [Baby voice] Good boy, good boy. Good job! Oh, you’re the best! [Keith] Okay, bye Ned.
[Ned] Okay, bye! Thank you so much, Keith! Come on Bean. We got Bean. He’s being… remarkably, well-behaved and it’s Kind of startling to me. Bean has never been so docile Bean farts sometimes and they sound like human farts. It was a real one, Bean. Maybe that’s why he’s named Bean. [Bean barks]
Oh yeah, there he is. Bark it up! He thinks he’s a little guard dog and when anyone walks by, He’s like, [barks] [Bean barking over Zach and Keith] Bean, we can’t bark at everything we see or else we’ll never be happy. All right, let’s go find the other pups. So these are my beautiful pound puppies, Pesto and Emma. Look who it is! Emma and Pesto, we’re freakin’ out! Pesto is about four years old Emma’s about eight or nine, I can’t really remember. Pesto’s the little devil but he’s tiny. [Zach] Pesto! My little, my little trash scamp and he’s just full of energy. Always exploring, there’s always some sort of trash in his mouth but he’s a sweetheart. Everybody just sit, chill out. Emma is almost like a person, she’s just riddled with anxieties. I mean look at her she’s looking at me like she’s doing something wrong right now. Sometimes when she sits in your lap, She’ll just kind of pee a little bit on you and that’s gross. [Emma scrambling]
Where are you going? You can’t. This is not– Pesto, you don’t need to come up here either. Wow, this is just a lot already. As long as Keith just trusts that they’re gonna, you know, have fun and be his best friend then I’m sure he’ll be fine. We did it. They listen to you when you tell them to do stuff when they don’t Sometimes Pesto doesn’t just cuz he’s a little bit, he can be a little bit of a rascal. [panting] You know, I was not ever planning on having a dog But Bowie is the best. He is a eight month old mini Australian Shepherd There’s no doubt in my mind that I have the best Try Pup. It’s simple. First of all, he’s the most beautiful He is on his way to being the best trained and he’s just he’s just got that it factor, you know? Bowie has… I don’t know, syphilis or something. Giardia, whatever. He’s got some sort of butt disease. Okay, okay, you gotta let it go. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie, Bowie, Bowie, Bowie, Bowie. [Baby voice] Bowie! Bowie! Bowie! What is happening? He always wants to play. You know those balls with the weasel on them? That you used to buy in toy stores? This is how this one moves. Dogs are a lot and when they’re together things tend to get more intense. [Dogs barking]
What’s happening? What’s happening?! No. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It’s just like putting a tornado in your house. Why would you put a tornado in your house? [Ned] Rules for Bean. When we’re walking, we always want them to be on the left side of us It’s all about positively reinforcing the things you like and preventing the things you don’t like. You need to make him respect the doorway. Bean can get a little territorial with his toys He thinks my dog’s the problem. Zach, your dog’s the problem. Dogs respond really well to a very brief timeout. Zach thinks he knows everything about raising a dog and it drives me nuts. I have very little patience for bad dogs So my dog is gonna be the best. Aw, I know. I know. Okay. So my dog raising philosophy tends to be a little more chill. The other Try Guys, it’s their first time having a dog, So of course they have that first time parenting, nervous type of raising. Zach is like a really neurotic dog parent. Eugene and Ned say that I’m a high maintenance dog owner Well, guess what? I think they’re s***** dog owners. You know what? I said it. Zach gets one dog, and he thinks he’s God’s gift to dog raising They’re not my first dogs. This isn’t my first rodeo I may be a high maintenance dog owner, Eugene is a no maintenance dog owner, and– and Ned… Ariel, do you know where the dog toys are? You know what, Bean, we’re trying to record a video here. [Bean repeatedly squeaking toy]
Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Think Ned is doing his best. Now, Bowie is a puppy, so we’re still training him and this is an extremely crucial time. Bowie is not allowed on the couch. [Keith] Hey! Hey, hey, hey get off the couch, you know you can’t do that. Bowie is walking around in dirt and over his own piss and I’ve seen him step in poop before. Bowie, you can’t be on the couch. Get off the couch, Pesto. You can’t be on the couch, come on. I don’t want that s*** my couch. Literally, s***. Emma, you’re not supposed to be on the couch, but I’m gonna let you get away with it. We’re working on name recall, so you want Bowie to associate his name with happy, positive things. So if you’re scolding him, don’t use his name. Oh, Bo– Charlie. Charlie [Dogs growling and barking] Whoa whoa whoa WHOA whoa WHOA! It’s a little much, Bean and Pesto. The other Try Dogs bark and Eugene and Ned do not seem to give a s*** [Pesto barking]
[Keith] Pesto! Pesto, no. [Bean barks]
Just because somebody makes a noise at all outside doesn’t mean you make a bunch of noise. We try really hard to get Bean to not bark so much What we do is we interrupt and we redirect, So I have to go to the bathroom One thing that Bean does is he will barge in on you when you’re trying to go to the bathroom. Whoa, what? Why?
[Dogs start barking] Hey! Hey! Whoa! It’s just deodorant! Just gonna pee Nobody… Think my dick is like a tree or something. [Zach] Did Ned say that Bean bit at his balls once? I remember he was afraid to walk around naked with Bean because he was afraid that Bean would eat his dick. Now, one of the great things about Bean is he does know lots of tricks. Bowie, Bean, everybody sit. Hey, good boy! Everybody lay down Right, lay down, lay down, lay down, lay down, lay down, lay down. You gotta do all the tricks. Down. Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay. Okay, Pesto, you failed. Bean you half succeeded and then you failed. And you are the good boy, you win a treat and then you are second place you get a treat and Pesto you get nothing cuz you were third place And that’s how society governs third place. [Zach] Weave. Weave. Weave. Weave. [Keith] Yeah, Bowie, weave. Weave. Weave. Yeah, f*** yeah. F*** yeah, weave. Yeah, oh, f*** yeah! Weave! Yeah, right there, boy! Yeah bro! I’m a dog master! Get off the top of the couch! Good boy! No! I’ve been bested by the dogs. What are you doing? Why? Why here? You want to play? Everyone else is chill. You gotta read the room. I know that I have to feed Bean and Bowie cuz they haven’t eaten. In general, probably they need water. Right, so this is gonna be for Bowie. He has puzzle food some reason. They’re trying to get his tongue really strong Just as a thing that helps get his energy out You know, you basically make him work for his meal. So you put this down. You say wait. Wait. Don’t– you’re not gonna eat until I say it. Don’t eat yet. Don’t eat yet. Don’t eat yet. He’s not gonna eat. Okay! Okay. Okay! Good job! We don’t want to challenge Bean intellectually too much, so we’re just gonna pour him a scoop of food. Couple hours in, I feel like I’m getting the hang of it. It’s time for lunch and Zach says we can’t just leave the dogs in the house Which I think we should just do. So we’re gonna take all four dogs, pick up some food and get back. I’m walking with all four dogs and also taking him into a business. It’s gonna be a nightmare. [Zach offscreen] All right, you ready? No. Oh, I never wanted this. So Emma does one really funny thing whenever she poops. She assumes the crow’s pose in yoga and she lifts up her hind legs, balances on her front paws and poops like she’s, uh, Like she’s hovering midair. I was really hoping they wouln’t poop. [Zach] Picking up poop Honestly, not so bad. Walking around with poop in your hand, looking for a trash can… the f****** worst. Come on. No! Stop! You weirdo! What are you– Bowie! Why do you insist on putting big things in your mouth? Don’t be a bad boy, Bowie. [Zach] Let it go. Let it go. [Keith] He is one with the wind and sky. Let go. I expect Bean to be the chaos element But he’s actually being the most cautious. I feel like a rich woman in New York in a movie. [Posh voice] Come on, pups. I’m worried they’ll just run and get murdered. It’s like– it’s irresponsible to be trying to handle this many dogs and my experience of ’em [Zach] Another dog coming.
[Keith] Oh, we got another dog. What’s gonna happen? Everything’s cool! Everything’s cool! We did it! Good dogs! [Zach] Making friends, Keith?
[Keith] Yeah, everybody loves dogs! I kind of think of these dogs as sometimes bad dogs, but they were Incredibly well-behaved. None of them ran into the street, people came by, other dogs walked by. Not a problem! [Dogs barking] We’re just about to sit down and have lunch. It was really serene, and then it wasn’t. [Dogs barking] It just exploded. Then they started barking to the point Bowie vaulted over my body using my body as the trampoline. Just chill for a minute because you stepped on my gut and you scratched me. We went from zero to sixty so fast! Guys! We gotta, we gotta play nice. We just went on a walk! We were just so sweet to all those people. Zach and I are gonna eat lunch. I’m gonna calmly open the gate. Everybody’s gonna be chill. [Zach] That actually worked!
[Keith] I know! This made everybody calm down. Everybody’s being a real good boy now. [playful music] Eugene said that his dogs and all dogs love going hiking, so we’re not doing that We’re going to a park but I can just play with the dogs. I can sit back and be a proud dad. Let’s do it! [cheerful music] [Zach] See, now they can run and bark all they want. Look at Emma, she’s smiling! [Keith] It’s interesting to see the dogs’ different personalities in the different environments. Because Pesto, normally he’s a little demon. But here with all these bigger dogs, he’s like “I’m just gonna lay low.” Bowie, Bowie’s convinced a hundred pound labrador somehow. Bean’s got a little bit of that confidence but comes back a little more often. It’s almost like they have full, well-rounded personalities. The guys have done a better job than I give them credit for, in terms of training their dogs because they’re only Acting up when they’re excited to see one another and play, which, I get excited with my friends come over to play. I don’t jump on them anymore, but. Some battles you just don’t win. Did you have fun with me? Did you have fun with Uncle Keith? Aww, he had fun. He had so much fun he got camera shy! Bowie, you’re such a beautiful boy and I’ve loved Dating you today, but at the end of the day, beauty’s not everything, so I’m sorry I cannot give you my rose on this episode of the Barkchshler. Bye my little Pesto and Emma, It was great. You were wonderful today. Uh, you’re beautiful, you’re the most well-behaved, generally. Emma, such a sweet darling. Pesto, a little demon but I saw such a sweet side of you at the dog park, it was so sweet. It’s a tough decision, but I can’t give you the rose, neither of you are the Barkchshler. And you’re excited to leave me. [Ned] Oh, Bean!
[Keith] Bean’s back! [Ned] Hi! Beanie, Beanie, Beanie. [Ned] Was Bean a good boy?
[Keith] He was a pretty good boy! He still barks whenever anyone’s outside, but he was a better boy than I expected him to be. [Ned] That’s good. [Keith] Bye, Bean! It was a tough competition today in the Barkchshler, A lot of dogs were there, a lot of dogs put their best foot forward, I would say. But at the end of the day, I think I gotta give it Bean. Not because Bean was the most well-behaved or because Bean was the prettiest. Because that fart that Bean did earlier in the day was actually the funniest thing. It was so funny. He’s just a little pup with crazy booty. It was a gross fart. It was monumental. There is a bond that is unique between a human and a dog because the dog really just wants to please you and wants to protect you and wants to… You know, protect the home. All the ways that it misbehaves are often just out of its instincts to keep you safe because it loves you and maybe someday I’ll get a dog. I mean Becky’s gonna make sure of it. She doesn’t want one right now. But as soon as we’re in a house with a baby I’m sure we’re getting a dog. Australian Shepherds are extremely intelligent and extremely active breeds. So, Yeah. Looks like you’re– well, you know what it looks like.