Ozzy Man Reviews: Cats Being Dodgy


All right, today I’m doing a review of the animal kingdom’s greatest enemy, CATS! They’re bloody nature’s arsehole, aren’t they? Look at this one, sneaking about, he just coward punched a toddler. Sure on the outside they’re all cute and cuddly, but listen to this demonic bastard… (Cat’s making demonic noises) It’s the devil! This cute little duckling is like “you wanna go on a wholesome adventure?” But the cat says “Naah fuck you. It’s not just small children or baby ducklings that cop it, cats are dickheads to each other as well. They hate each other. He’s like “Nah piss off! These are my three bowls of kibble” “Mate I’m telling you, I’m on the bloody door list.” “Nah you’re not brooo.” I mean look at how Disney villain fucking next-level evil this one looks. This is some of Andy Serkis’s finest motion capture work. I genuinely believe he wants to kill me in my sleep, and wear my face as a winter coat. Oy and what is it with cats destroying toilet paper? They do not want us to have clean butt holes. They’re like “if we have to shit in a tray of rocks, you should too.” You know what makes me really angry is that when this bloke is done, he’s just all like “Oh well… this was only mildly entertaining”, and fuckin licks himself. This puppy’s had enough. He’s mumbling “I’m gonna rip your tail off. Ah nah mate. I just got an itchy ear. Bloody itchy ear. Ey how ya goin’? Are you alright? I’m alright. Yeah nah nah nah nah. Have you been watching The Bachelor? Right I’ve got your fuckin tail, oh nah mate. I’m just… got an itchy ear. What are you looking at, ey? I don’t want to fat shame this one, but… can it seriously not walk around? It’s like “give us a tow bro. I’ve broken down. yeah I need an electric mobility scooter.” This invention is gold. The kid who’s built this is definitely gonna disrupt the lazy fuckin cat market. “Ah I don’t like this remote control. Bye bye! What else have you got on this table? Ah a little glass of gin You’re trying to relax and unwind after work, are ya? Lady: “No no no no no… Get it off, no.” Cat: “What?” Lady: “NO! Hiss.” Cat: “What?” Lady:” No.” Cat: “Naah I’m not doing anything. Lady: “No?!” Cat: “I’m just having a look at this glass. It’s… It’s a great glass. It looks expensive. It would look great… on the ground!” Lady: “Noo…” (Bang) This kitten is drunk. It’s been underage drinking, you can tell. Even the owner behind the camera is asking “did you steal my Bailey’s?” It’s like “nah I didn’t steal your Bailey’s.” – “You look hammered.” – “I’m not lying to you. I didn’t.” (Vomitting) It’s totally lying. “Oh hi human, welcome. Ah I’ve been getting emotionally and physically abused for a few hours now. Do you reckon you can help me?” What’s this fresh water? Screw you! Diabetes medicine, screw you! Oh a crab, screw you! Are you a toddler? You are. Screw you! You’re in the middle of a well choreographed gymnastics routine, Screw you! Another cat, definitely screw you! Boundaries and personal space, nah. Nah. Screw… you! This fuck knuckle is grooming. It’s not even watching TV, yet it won’t let the owner have the remote. It would rather throw itself under traffic than let her have it. It’s yelling “just get on with your life, Theresa. Game of Thrones is over.” Look this one is probably a good bloke or Sheila, once you get to know it. Not all cats are dodgy bastards. I’m being dodgy presenting them purely in a negative light some of my best mates are cats. I’m just saying overall… when they want to be assholes, they’re the best in the game. So yeah… (Demonic noises) Nah don’t piss them off.

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58 Responses

  1. Oscar Lawrence says:

    LOL

  2. rollingklouds says:

    This video is sponsored by your trusted Dodgy Dog Foundation.

  3. James Mansfield says:

    recording to Ozzy Man Reviews: cats in the inside ARE CRUEL DEVILS FROM HELL.

    cats responce: YES YOU EXPOSED US BUT HALF OF US ARE ANGELS!

  4. VoltZ says:

    0:24 LMAO.. Got mega kicked

  5. saint long says:

    Fucking itchy ear

  6. lumarians says:

    2:36 Cats: The epitome of indifference. Embodiment of lack of sympathy. Personal space is for not. Quit feeding a dog and he'll starve. Quit feed a cat and they will just go next door to find the kibble, they will back in a few days to teach you a lesson.

  7. Seth Thompson says:

    I left my cat with the ex wife. She ( the cat ) was so ticked of at the ex that she started urinating on the pillow and in the coffee cup. Lol Good kitty. 😺

  8. Diftm_ Emerge says:

    That cat is summoning a demon

  9. Jaccob H says:

    Fuck knuckle? LOL

  10. The Spark says:

    And wolves are always made the villains in books, movies etc …. should be cats.

  11. Sarcastic_ Mind says:

    @2:15 I would definitely kick this asshole out

  12. Kathleen Bennett says:

    Totally agree!

  13. Gerry D says:

    Satans minions

  14. Papa Pauper says:

    2:00 I'm dead 😂😂💀💀

  15. Lila Morgan says:

    "They do not want us to have clean buttholes." Best line ever.

  16. Piero Civitarese says:

    I remember a few years ago some on the radio said "Cats are a lot like women, they're only nice to you and pay you any attention when they want something."

  17. Adam Steele says:

    Diabetes medicine? Screw you!!

  18. Titan Dragon says:

    Cats were once worshipped as gods – they have never forgotten this 😂😂😂😂

  19. Official CYBORG says:

    My cat doesn't do tht Lol

  20. LR Winchester says:

    Michael Rapaport’s Instagram shows his neighbour’s demonic looking cat 😂😂😂

  21. Vinay Tanwar says:

    That was the first time i saw a animal vomiting

  22. Charles Freeman says:

    FUNNIEST SHIT EVER

  23. BlackEasterEgg says:

    what are the reasons people take cats above dogs?
    just lazy people who dont want to go out for a walk?
    i am very serious.
    i had 2 cats and 2 dogs. the bond with the dogs was way strongen than with the cats. the cats dont give a shit, the dogs do.

  24. Chris Kaminski says:

    I haven't laughed this hard since I've listened to the comedy rantings of Rodney Rude. Love the Aussie accent by the way.

  25. Chris Kaminski says:

    Funny cats videos are the best.😂👍😆😂

  26. mad ass says:

    Neighbors cats make great hats.

  27. Phillip Smalley says:

    Cats are cunts!! Rats with cute faces!!

  28. Jan M says:

    Not all bad, but if they wanna be assholes, they're the best in the game. That is probably the best description of cats ever.

  29. danger chimp says:

    Screw you

  30. Josh Burling says:

    2:13 that cat had catnip(cats drugs)

  31. merolleiro says:

    I hate your voice. Fuck you. No offense.

  32. Curt Williams says:

    Expert narration! Hilarious!

  33. Claire Osborne says:

    And these are the reasons I love cats 🐈❤️ x x

  34. red cat says:

    Where could i find the pup with itchy ear video.

  35. HoppingMad says:

    I hate bloody cats

  36. Rixar13 says:

    🍀 Irish Bunny & Irish Honey Badger -> 💖

  37. KittyCaddy says:

    Bloody legend! You've insulted cats but in the most elegant way.

  38. Cat Stevens says:

    😊

  39. Azare Plaz says:

    I'm confused

  40. valgeir80 says:

    Also, Fuck cats.

  41. nemo227 says:

    Through the last 53 years we've had 7 cats. They quickly learned who controlled the house and the food. Our furniture remained intact (after our learning curve during the first couple of years). Cats are trainable but we can't be lazy about it.

  42. Natalie Tanner says:

    I have subscribed because I've seen one too many videos I find fkn funny omg.

  43. Reggie Longoria says:

    Goddammit Ozzy man!! Most of my coffee came flying out of my mouth with your comment.

    "If I have to shit in a tray of rocks, so should you".
    I about lost it brother.
    🤣😹😹😹😹

  44. Angela H says:

    Thanks Oz man, I needed a laugh

  45. ragnoss darth says:

    My parents cat hated water in a boil. Lol

  46. Peter Simpson says:

    Cats n women go like jam and toast man. They're the 4 legged version of birds

  47. अनुराग उपाध्याय says:

    Itchy ear…. Died

  48. Fox Fox says:

    Yea don't piss them off 😂😂love it and so true, I've got four, used to have eight, sessel is an evil bitch to me even tho I just wanna love her lol

  49. The Power Moves says:

    The "screw you part" is one of the best humor moments ever.
    Man, you gotta get back to doing this high quality stuff, you're coasting a bit recently

  50. Mac Bruno says:

    Fuck a pussy.

  51. LBEmpress says:

    If we have to shit in a tray of rocks, you should too 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  52. BOBBY CARTER says:

    Hilarious

  53. Jake Leavis says:

    give them a spray with a water bottle and they'll feck off

  54. amph3 says:

    One of the best reviews evvvver.

  55. cu says:

    Funny funny cat hating with a twist
    Hilarious 😆

  56. Gowtham Karthik says:

    SCREW……….YOU

  57. Kandela Brown says:

    A .22 cal is all u need mate! Don't be so scared, i can lend you a nice .22

  58. Daniel Botwood says:

    If you feed and take care of a dog it will think that you are a god. If you do the same for a cat it will think that it is a god.

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