– [Rocky] Bet you thought I was a statue
of a dog owning it. Don’t blame you. Huddle up, man. Let’s wrap. No,
this ripped bod doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, a hundred years ago,
we looked like this. Look at this dude. Get your shit together, bro.
We had no direction. We were misguided. But my guru, Captain Max Emil Friedrich
von Stephanitz, changed all that. My boy, Max, was a breeder,
who taught us to treat our bodies like temples, and he bred us to be the
ultimate shepherds. We were supposed to be so good, you wouldn’t need a doughy,
lazy human in the field. No offense, dude. But times changed.
They started using us to herd people instead of sheep. They used us, man.
And after all that, what do I get from my years or service? – [Recorder] Listen, son.
There’s no easy way to say it. We’re replacing you with a Belgian
Malinois because you’re a loose cannon and that your joints don’t fit together.
And don’t get me started on your congenital exocrine pancreatic
insufficiency. I’m sorry, pal. You start that chronic tail-chasing shit
in the middle of a drug bust and the DA will have my ass. – It was all politics. The medical issues,
the chronic tail-chasing, okay. On a scale of one to inbred,
we’re short of a seven and I’m fine with that. Just ask my mom and my sister
because she’s right outside. So now that we’ve mastered shepherding and
police work, it’s on to the next challenge, male modeling. But to hit the
runway Tyra style, I need a slant back and elongated spine, and that means arthritis
and mobility issues. No pain, no gain. Cause that’s really what this is about.
You buy me to be better than you. So you can be a sad sack slob but when you
walk me, oh, people think, “Whoa! Look at that. Got your shit together,
dog.” It’ll be our little secret, bro. And if you choose to ride this coaster,
I will give you my undivided focus and attention. Oh, shit. ♪ [music] ♪