Taylor Schilling’s Adulting Is Not Going Well

Because I like
to check in with you. ‘Cause it’s been about a year.
-Yeah. -And this is the only time
we see each other. -It really is.
We’re like party friends except it’s not even
a party friend. It’s like a — It’s weirder.
-Yeah, we are. It’s weirder
than even party friends. -It’s weirder
than a party friend. -But I do want to check in,
’cause you were here about a year ago,
and you were very happy. You were, like, proud,
and I felt like you thought you were becoming an adult. -I’ve heard whisperings of what
you’re talking about earlier. -Well, you were talking about you had moved in to
a new apartment, and then you said
you were thinking about getting a dog and a car. So I’d like an update.
-[ Laughs ] Yeah. Well, I don’t have a car.
-Okay. -I actually don’t have
a license right now. -Oh, no.
Why don’t you have a license? -‘Cause I lost it. -Okay.
-That’s true. -Okay, but you can
just get a new one. -Yes, I can.
I have an appointment. [ Laughs ] This is all real. I have an appointment
next Monday in Santa Monica. -Oh, so you have to go to a DMV. -Yeah.
And just have a face-to-face. I got an e-mail that I can take,
like, another photo if I want, which I’d like to
’cause my license photo isn’t — It’s not cute. -What do you think went wrong
the last time when you took the photo?
-I think I was too excited. -Okay. -I was, like, really —
I was, like, too — -It is such a bummer
when you get too excited for a license, especially when you get pulled over
for speeding. -Ugh!
-Because when you give that, it looks like you were
definitely speeding. Like, if you’re a guy who… couldn’t wait to be
a legal driver. So you don’t have
a license or a car. So that one seems like that’s a
step backwards from a year ago. -Yeah. So hopefully
a year from now I’ll at least have a license. -A new license. Okay.
-So I don’t have a car. I am going to get a dog.
-Okay. So you have not — In a full year,
you haven’t gotten one yet. -Haven’t gotten a dog.
Haven’t gotten the car. -Lost a license.
-Right. Yes. Lost a license. -And do you know what kind
of dog you’re getting? -So maybe we’ve moved backwards.
Yeah, I do. I’m getting a French bulldog. -Okay, great.
That’s very exciting. -I know.
They make me feel that way, too. -Have you ever had a French
bulldog in your life before? -No.
-Okay. Do you know — Like, do you have any sense
of the timeline of when you’re going to get one? -Well, uh…
[ Laughter ] Yeah, like the middle of August. -“Well, the problem
is I got to drive there, and that’s a whole thing
because of my license.” [ Laughter ] Maybe they could just — They’re
gonna give this dog your address and say, “It might be faster if
you just find your way there.” -“Go find her.”
Lassie, come home. -Do you have — Do you want
a boy dog, a girl dog? -A girl dog.
-Do you have a name picked out? Or are you gonna wait until
you actually lay eyes on it? -No, I’m thinking about it.
-Okay, gotcha. -I like —
I think, uh, like Tank. -Okay, for…
-[ Laughs ] -That seems like — I mean, again, you know,
look, who am I to say? That seems like a boy’s name. But I guess — I don’t know.
-I know. -But, again, maybe
a girl bulldog doesn’t — -But I like it.
-Yeah. What does she care? -She doesn’t care.
-Yeah, it’s just a noise. -And where —
It’s gender-normative. Like, it’s passé. Lame.
-Exactly. Also, she’s French. Yeah.
-Yeah. What does that even mean? -[ French accent ]
It’s so American to say Tank is a boy’s name. Tank is a name
that can be anyone’s name! -She just doesn’t
play those games. -One of my favorite things
we’ve ever talked about is your first New York City
apartment sounded like the worst apartment,
or the smallest apartment. -Well, it was.
-What was the — There was something.
The bed was something? The bed was in the kitchen?
-Yes, the bed is in the — Well, it went —
I mean, it was one room. -Oh, right.
Now I remember the word. -It was one room.
-Yeah. -So it was a bitchen.
-A bitchen. -The kitchen and the bedroom
were the same room. So we had — We just were like,
“Come over to our bitchen.” -I will say…
-It’s the bedroom. -…that if you got asked
to come over to a bitchen apartment,
you’d be like, “Awesome!” I think it’s gonna be like
a wraparound penthouse. And meanwhile it’s like —
-It’s like a… couch that you’re sleeping on,
with, like, a pull-out — with one of the things,
a door over the stove. -Yeah. Right. “I went back to
this girl’s bitchen apartment.” “How’d it go?” “I knocked
my head out on a sink.” -Yeah. No, it’s not.
It wasn’t safe. The truth of the apartment
is that it wasn’t safe. -But you recently got in — Your roommate
got in touch with you? -Oh, my roommate from that time
is one of my best friends. -Okay. Still?
-Yeah. Hey, Tommy. -Okay.
-I’ve never done that before. -And he found something
from back in the day? -Yeah, he recently
found this three days ago. And I was so excited I was
going to come and see you. I — Seriously. I got this — And also the subject heading
was “Dark Days.” -Dark days. So this was — Now, this is somebody
that you’ve managed
to stay friends with. -Oh, for like —
-You guys got through this. -I mean,
by the skin of our teeth. -This is a legal document
that he wrote up. This is a roommate agreement.
-Yes. -Was he a lawyer?
-No. He’s an — he was an —
He was an actor. -Okay.
-[ Laughs ] -There is so much legalese
to this. I can not stress
how crazy this is. -Wait. And you didn’t even see
there is room for both of us to sign
at the bottom. And he wasn’t gonna — I don’t
know what he was going to do. -This is my favorite one.
Hold on. “Both parties
must treat the other with courtesy and respect,
regardless of their state of inebriation, exhaustion, or general
non-collaborative mood.” [ Laughter and applause ] That is — That’s —
-Isn’t that amazing? -It’s amazing that you had —
like, basically signing a legal document
saying you’re gonna — No matter how drunk you are,
you have to treat somebody with courtesy and respect. -Respect. Yeah. Dignity.
We’re all humans. -The amount that he says
“both parties” is fantastic. I’m so happy to hear
he was also an actor. This is written like somebody who watched a lot
of “Law & Order.” -His dad’s a lawyer.
-Oh, his dad’s a lawyer. -So I feel like
he might have had his dad proofread it or something. -This is —
I mean, this is the best. -He had bullet points.
-“Hitherto.” -Oh, my God!
I didn’t even see that! -“This hitherto serves as
a binding roommate agreement.” -“Not to be made null or void unless agreed upon
by both parties.” I mean, what is that? He was,
like, a 22-year-old actor. Let me see that.
-It’s so great. Like, what I like
to picture is you coming home super-wasted,
being an asshole, and him saying, like,
“Hey! Our agreement!” You’re like, “[Bleep] you!
My kitchen’s a bedroom! I don’t care! You signed an agreement! -“[Bleep] you!
My kitchen’s a bedroom!” -You signed an agreement!
-Yeah, yeah. -You’re in a
non-collaborative mood!” -No, that was —
I read that, and I died. That’s my favorite.
That’s my favorite thing ever. -That is the nicest way to say
somebody’s being a jerk. Yeah, it’s a really nice way
to put some of my — I guess what it’s like
to live with me sometimes. -Yeah. Non-collaborative. -A generally
non-collaborative partner.

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100 Responses

  1. Todd Lambourn says:

    Seths drunk

  2. Zainuba Ali says:

    Just binge watched season 5. Best season yet.

  3. antonia houben says:

    Taylor would be so much fun to live with omgggg

  4. Chris R says:

    I hate to put a fly in the legal ointment but 'hitherto' means 'up to this point'. I suspect the word he intended was 'henceforth'.

  5. Sara Aibar says:

    is she high ? 😅

  6. Bob Crachet says:

    French ppl " what even is a name we all are gonna die "

  7. Lets PlayTV says:

    That segway at 3:03 … If you're not gonna try, at least put it on a card somewhere, dude.

  8. Jax Amilius says:

    sheldon cooper….

  9. Iida R says:

    Can I just be friends with the whole cast of oitnb?

  10. Ale Santander says:

    this is so awkward

  11. Priyanka2618 says:

    that was really good and funny interview

  12. Globale Katjastrophe says:

    Wow, that was a rollercoaster of emotions in her face at 1:42

  13. Karanagi says:

    She somehow looks like Cecily Strong!

  14. Jonathon Martin says:

    She shouldn't get a French Bulldog, but should go to a shelter and get a beautiful rescue dog.

  15. Marcus Chan says:

    Because someone is going to do this anyway.

    Roommate Agreement (typed out for your reading pleasure)

    – Overnight guests must be approved and agreed upon by both parties
    – Messes and damages to the apartment must be promptly resolved by the responsible party
    – Both parties must ask the other before consuming their food. Other’s food eaten must be promptly replenished by responsible party
    – Both parties must treat the other with courtesy and respect, regardless of their state of inebriation, exhaustion, or general non-collaborative mood
    – Both parties must respect each other’s belongings at all times, especially when other party is away. If damages occur they must be promptly resolved by responsible party
    – Both parties are equally responsible for the care and maintenance of the apartment. This includes but not limited to: calling the landlord, emptying trash, washing dishes and windows, keeping bathroom tidy, putting away clutter, dusting, vacuuming
    – Any and all other decisions regarding the apartment must be agreed upon by both parties
    – Any and all other problems arising from the apartment should be promptly resolved as courteous, respectful, intelligent adults. These problems should be resolved before retiring for the evening. (a.k.a., don’t go to bed angry)

    The above criterion has been agreed upon by both parties. This hitherto serves as a binding roommate agreement, not to be made null or void unless agreed upon by both parties.

  16. HedaLexaKomTriku85 says:

    God I love her she's hilarious xxx I love Piper too xx

  17. Izzy Ibrahim says:

    these two are so cute together lmao last year interview were cute too.

  18. WindingRoad12 says:

    I paused and read the whole thing

  19. Thi D. says:

    I understand the piper hate in S3, because she was really the worst lmao, but since middle of S4 she had one of the best developments. I think that scene with Piper being marked in S4 had A LOT to do with this. Piper grow up a lot. And Vauseman scenes in S5 were the best!

  20. TheLifeOfBob says:

    is she pregnant?

  21. rob brown says:

    Is that smart to say that she will be at the Santa Monica DMV on Monday?

  22. Tina Santoianni says:

    she's sooo funny!!!

  23. M P R. says:

    Wait…Taylor is really cute!!! 😍😍😍 My hate towards Piper never let me see that 😂😂😂

  24. Marisol Zeledón says:

    Taylor Schilling is someone you want as a friend. Like the type that you just can't stop laughing with and you don't even know what you're laughing at.

  25. S G says:

    Did she say Tank, or Hank?? Ha. Either way, please tell us this roomie agreement is also going to apply to your pupper as well!

  26. Casey Wong says:

    LOL wordings of the roommate agreement remind me of Sheldon Cooper

  27. fahad alawadi says:

    0:27 I melted

  28. kweli69j says:

    My German Shepherd's name is Tank

  29. Odette Gordon says:

    Taylor needs to check out comic and movie " Tank Girl" also Bytchin!

  30. Taylor Nicole says:

    "Don't have a car, I am gonna get a dog" Idk why but that made me crack up 😂

  31. Anna Liza Roque says:

    I really love Taylor!

  32. Yessenia Gonzalez says:

    She's so funny and adorable! ❤️😍

  33. An Truong says:

    Her giggle/laugh is so cute!

  34. smileyface702 says:

    He's a talkative host, yet she gets the balance just right of not interrupting him and yet still being very engaged

  35. wasa jazz says:


  36. Misha Husnain Ali says:

    You know Schilling is a good actor since her character provokes instant eye rolls but in an interview she seems super awesome and fun.

  37. Lara Lara says:

    I love her laugh 😍

  38. styx1013 says:

    Tankerbell, just call her Tank.

  39. TheJessichivas14 says:

    I love her

  40. varp says:


  41. Sol Julieta says:

    I agree with the title

  42. YourMom As well says:

    God she is NOTHING like Piper just goes to show how good of an actress she is.

  43. Hailey Mitchell says:

    She looks so good!

  44. says:

    She gained some weight and looks even more beautiful 😍

  45. 하미다 says:

    Her laugh is everything

  46. bionicbritt says:

    She's 32… they age her on OITNB imo she looks late 30s

  47. guerrerito lol says:

    I love her laugh with all my heart

  48. IglooDweller says:

    Guinness world record for most fake laughter?

  49. Milena del Carmen Mendoza Restrepo says:

    divina, encantadora y muy profesional, Felicidades y muchos éxitos.

  50. Alli Repas says:


  51. Jesse Iinatti says:

    I don't understand even half of what they are saying, but i still enjoy watching it.

  52. ILove Dimash!! says:

    Her laugh is so adorable!!

  53. Livelyfe11 says:

    Taylor: I have an appointment this Monday at a DMV in Santa Monica
    Me: Can I make it to a DMV in Santa Monica by Monday?

  54. skeeve jobs says:

    her laugh is amazing

  55. Tiffany Dion says:

    bitchen lmao she's so funny

  56. Brenda Contreras says:

    I love her as an actor and person!

  57. Grace L says:

    she has the cutest laugh,0.27 especially aww

  58. Sakshi Gairola says:

    she's adorable 😍

  59. Chloe.13 says:

    Katy Perry's blonde again 😂

  60. Dante Ferrise says:

    Taylor I named my golden retriever after your character from Orange is the New Black…and she is just as playful and naughty as Piper on the show lol.

  61. Mehdi says:

    She's so adorable and you can tell her laugh is authentic because she blurts it out as a result of trying to keep her laughter in, but she's just too happy. God I love her!

  62. Emmy says:

    she remindes me of Lisa kudrow

  63. Ruben Førsund says:

    I though she was Aussie.

  64. Rony says:

    her laugh is killing me I love her so much she's so damn cute

  65. Amani says:

    In love with her and her laugh 😌❤️

  66. Naomi Foster says:

    properly substance shirt speed member reference decline shot otherwise.

  67. Naomi Foster says:

    Sample promising complicated story confusion quantity generous front morning

  68. Maggie’sBitch says:


  69. Mounia c says:

    God, I really love this woman, she's so hilarious. that should be so cool to live with her…💕

  70. hello its me says:

    2:47 what is she doing ?😂😂😂

  71. Leonardo Villa says:

    Her little laugh! SO ADORABLE!!! 😍😍😍

  72. Horatio Trobinson says:



  73. Angel says:

    So smart and sexy.

  74. Alani Gross says:

    I laughed so hard along with them GOD I love Taylor. She is nothing like Piper which makes me love her even more because of how well the character of Piper is executed. Such an amazing actress.

  75. Aurora on the road says:

    she's so goofy and cute, I love her

  76. Christine Fleming says:

    Taylor and I are birthday twins!!

  77. Love To All says:

    Is she high?? Lmao

  78. Flor Cabrera says:

    I miss the whole cast of Orange In The New Black… especially Alex and Piper… I'm waiting for the coming of season 6…I'm really so excited…

  79. Isabel says:

    Why can’t I just watch her all day😂😭

  80. Ramez Ernest says:


  81. yazz says:

    I have a crush on her 😍

  82. Fujian cen says:

    She's so cute lmao, and she looks good mann :))

  83. Samuèl 831 says:

    she's so cute omg

  84. Alex Hayes says:

    I love her

  85. pezloal88 says:

    That b*tch has been an adult for at least two decades…tf she mean

  86. unrealtalks says:

    She's adorable. Her attitude and personality just makes me love her more!

  87. LV223 says:

    Here after watching season 6, really good!!! The ending made me cry. <3

  88. doctorwho35 says:

    I like "aka don't go to bed angry"

  89. Hao ._.1003 says:

    Omg why is she so cute and she’s like me and laughs literally at everything

  90. Santosh Kumar says:

    She’s got such a soothing voice! She should do audiobooks and voice acting more..

  91. kitty says:

    She has the cutest laugh ever

  92. TheNext BigThing says:

    She is so much like me bro 😂

  93. indigoal3n says:

    Oh wow these cable shows are…. how can it get worse? Wow! I have NEVER EVER heard anyone ask dumber fucking questions on tv! Absolute imbeciles on tv these days. Brain numbing, intelligence insulting clisterfuk of deranged imbeciles! I love Orange, Piper is absolutely not likable at all, not really even as an actress. She's one of the worst actors in the show, but imo and I'm glad that's true – she's not the main character, and thanks to that, the show is fantastic! Amazing crew, these girls are unbeliavable especially Susanne Warren! She deserves an Oscar man! Cheers!

  94. just chill says:

    Right now im living in a bitchen.

  95. Creamson Babyi says:

    The most friendly , laughable and open Actress i v eva seen…. Her interviews re always funny, interesting nd way open to heart. Nofin secretive. "I Love U" Taylor kip laughn cos u really making smone fall inluv with u.

  96. Adam Teitelbaum says:


  97. Helen Geo says:

    i love her laugh!!!!

  98. Henry V L Gutierrez says:

    She must have been captain marvel

  99. Habib Habib says:

    Shes curvier here <3

  100. Gili Halevi says:

    I don’t know about you… but I really really like Piper I take the whole package, totally can be her girlfriend. just wanted to say that because I see the comments on Piper and I’m like what?! Butttt it doesn’t have a connection to the interview so just wanted to say Taylor is totally awesome.

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