-You got a bulldog named Tank.
-I did. I did. And here´s a picture Tank. Adorable.
-Oh, she is so sweet. -And how is life with Tank?
You did not have Tank last time you were here.
-I didn´t. It took me a while to get Tank.
-Mm-hmm, ´cause you were — why? -I don´t know.
I was procrastinating. -Was it someone else´s dog? [ Laughter ] -I was worried. I was worried about
an animal in my home. -Sure.
So — but I got Tank, and she´s really —
she´s an odd dog. I mean, she´s as odd as you
would imagine her to be, my dog. -Why — oh, your —
because it´s your dog? -I guess so.
I don´t know. I mean — I don´t know. [ Light laughter ] -That´s true.
I wouldn´t expect — -But she´s very —
she´s very vocal. -Vocal. Now, a dog —
do you mean they´re barking a lot?
-Yes. She barks a lot,
but she makes — she makes really weird noises. -She makes weird noises?
-Yeah, I think she — she´ll be like, she kind of
talks a little bit to me. -You brought a video.
Are you gonna — should we try to hear what
you think Tank is saying? -No. I just — no.
I was seeing where that was going.
No, let´s just watch the — let´s watch the Tank.
-All right. Let´s hear Tank talking. [ Dog growling ] -I love you. I love you. [ Dog growls “I love you” ] [ Audience awws ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Why — what —
I mean, I feel like — -Yes, yes, they´re clapping! -Why? I feel like you
should retire and let — -I know.
-Tank should be the breadwinner. -I know! I know!
-How is Tank not on TV? He´s the “I love you” dog.
-I don´t know, it´s just crazy. She needs her own
YouTube channel or something. That´s — that happened.
That´s real. -How do you — by the way,
because — and I don´t want to judge you, but I —
like, what made you think that that would work? [ Laughter ] Because I have a dog too,
and I never said, “You know, I´m gonna try to get it to say
´I love you´ back.” But you were in a situation
where it worked. -She — she makes these noises.
-Mm-hmm. -She makes kind of noises
like — like you heard. And kind of, if you say
a word before it, it sounds like that´s
what she´s saying. So, if you say, like, “hello,”
it sounds like she´s saying, “ewwo.” [ Laughter ] And there was this time
where I was upstairs and she peed on my friend´s rug.
You know, so we put her away. -Yeah.
-And — and then I left, you know, but the dog
was alone in the room. And apparently it sounded like
she was saying “I´m — I´m sorry.” My friend was so,
like, freaked out. And she was like, “The dog´s in
there going ´I´m sorry! [ Laughter ]
I´m sor-Ry!´” -You are —
-And she was so flipped out. And — anyway.
-There are so many things there that make you the world´s
worst house guest. -Yeah.
-You bring your dog. -I know.
-It pisses on a rug. Then you´re like,
“I´m gonna take off. By the way, she talks.”
-Oh, I know. [ Laughter ] I know. I know.
I did get a new rug. -Oh, that´s very nice.
-And I cleaned it. -Oh, that was — you —
-It was a small rug. -That seems like you did
two things that are redundant. -The dog peed.
-I feel like, either clean the rug or got a new one.
-Yeah. -But get a new one
and clean one — -I did both.
I tried to. -Now I take it back.
You´re the world´s best house guest.
-Yeah. Neither one worked very well.
-Another thing we — I gave you a hard time about
before, and I want to apologize, is that you admitted to us that
on your acting resumé, on your headshot,
your special skill, you listed that driving was
a special skill. -I did.
-You thought that that would separate you from the pack
´cause they would say, “We´re down to two actresses,
but only one of them drives.” [ Laughter ] So, but then — and I thought
that was, you know, pretty exceptional,
that you would think that that was worth noting.
But you also, you had another time, you wrote,
as a special skill, that you could run
long distances. [ Laughter ] Is that true?
-No. [ Laughter ] No. I don´t —
and I was reminded of that. -It clearly was on there.
-Yes. And I was remind–
-So, you can´t even do it. -No.
-Wow. -No, I mean — like most people,
I can run short distances, particularly if I´m
uncomfortable or scared. -Okay. Got it.
-You know. -Again, not a special skill. [ Laughter ] Or even — or even a skill. -No.
I do not know — -“I run when I´m scared.”
“Oh, wow. Did you go to school for that?”
-Right. Yeah. I don´t know.
I was — I just remembered that backstage, I had —
I can´t remember doing that. -What kind of part did you think
that would be helpful for? -I don´t know.
I mean, I imagine if they were remaking, like, “Marathon Man”
or something like that. -But even then,
I would like to point out, and you should know this, too.
Because in movies, you don´t have to show all
of the running. You know, you just run
a little bit and then they edit it together
and it looks like — You run a little bit here,
and then they cut to you running somewhere else and as
a viewer you go, “Wow, they ran a long way.”
But an actor — [ Laughter ] -My God.
Maybe — I don´t know what. I mean, like, that they thought,
you know, “She has endurance. She can go the distance.”
-Oh, I see. -She can work long days.
We´re not going to make her run, but she has —
-She has endurance. [ Light laughter ] -And obviously, it´s worked.
You´ve been very successful. -I mean, yeah, in some way.
-But, because they´re like — I mean, they´re sort of —
I think it´s just, someone looks and goes, “Oh.”
-Maybe that was in theatre school.
Maybe I still was in theatre school coming up
with things that I thought big Hollywood people would like,
like driving and — long-distance running.
-It feels like, then we should blame your theatre school that
didn´t teach you those weren´t important things. I think what you wanted them
to know was, “Look, I can drive, but if there isn´t a car,
I could also run there.” Yeah.
[ Laughter ] What was I thinking?
And also, when — when did I say that out loud,
in public? Then it was on the Internet,
you know what I mean? -Yeah, ´cause we — our
researchers found in real life. But you put it there,
and then instead of just burying the memory you then,
at some point, admitted it. -Exactly.
-You know, I think you´re, at your core,
a very honest person. And no matter how much you like
to hide things, you eventually admit that you talked to
your dog until it told you that it loved you. -I think you´re right.
I think there´s some truth to that.
-And — this is very exciting. You guys are gonna do
a seventh season. You´re back to work now.
-Yes. -Which is just thrilling.
-Yeah. -And — we were
talking backstage. Not only is that an
incredible accomplishment, to be on seven years.
But, at the very least, it means you´re gonna come back
here for a sixth time. And I´m just so happy
in advance to have you back. -Oh, what a pleasure. [ Laughter ] -I´m sure we´ll have more
talking dog videos. Oh, yeah. by the way,
the next time you come, it´s got to be, like,
a full sentence. -Okay.
-I mean, like, I know “I love you” is a full sentence,
but, like, something really — -Okay, I´ll work on it.
-A shopping list. I want you to say, “I´m going
to the grocery store. Do you need anything?”
-Okay. And I want Tank to say
at least four — “Aluminum foil!” [ Laughter ] -Give it up, everybody,
for Taylor Schilling!