Gavin: But, you know, coincidentally, uh, my cat may have pissed all over a mattress recently. Burnie: Oh really? Which cat? Columbo? Gavin: So ever since Dan, whenever Dan comes to stay, Burnie: What’s the rest of this story, Miles? Burnie: What does Dan have to do with a cat pissing? Barbara: Riled up the kitty? Miles: I’m gonna say that Dan… Miles: …loves the cat a lot, and gives it lots of pets, Miles: and now the cat is upset that– that he’s not receiving as much love as he was getting– Barbara: I’m going to say that Dan got too drunk one night, and he actually peed on your mattress, and blamed your cat. (laughter) Burnie: I like Barbara’s version way better. Gavin: Uh, neither are correct. Gavin: It’s just whenever he’s been around, Gavin: Smee, once Dan’s gone, will just walk all over where– Gavin: where the bed smells like Dan, Gavin: and then he will just unload buckets of piss into it, Gavin: while we’re not paying attention. Miles: It sounds like he doesn’t like Dan. Gavin: Nah. Barbara: Or that he *really* likes Dan. Gavin: Yeah, and every time Dan comes back, Gavin: He’s like, “cat pissed on the bed again”. Gavin: And now we’re at the point where the mattress is just– Burnie: Gross. Gavin: –just soaked in urine. Burnie: Oh! Miles: My… Gavin: And it’s only for about a week after Dan’s been, Gavin: and then he goes back to the litter box and uses the litter box. Barbara: Why don’t you put a litter box on Dan’s bed after he leaves? (laughter) Gavin: How’s that gonna– Miles: I had a friend– I had a friend in middle school- Burnie: It’s– by the way, that’s totally Dan pissing in the mattress. Burnie: That’s exactly what it is.
Barbara: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gavin: You think that’s what it is? Burnie: (scoff) Dude, you idiot. Burnie: If the cat stops when Dan leaves, yeah.
Barbara: I think he wets the bed. Barbara: I think he wets the bed. Burnie: What a coincidence. Miles: No, cats are– are– are vengeful with their movements. Miles: Case in point, so I had– Miles: I had a friend in middle school who, whenever the family would leave town, Miles: They learned that– like, they had a –they had someone come and take care of the cat, and, like, check on the cat while they’re gone. Miles: The cat would go into everyone’s bedroom, Miles: and shit on their beds whenever they were gone, because he didn’t like them being gone. Burnie: Yeah. Miles: So… Burnie: You know, the cat shit on my pillow once.
Miles: They– after they learned that– Miles: After they learned that, they would close all their doors, Miles: but there was one time, Miles: where his older sister accidentally left her door just slightly ajar, and they came back from Disney World. Miles: Because her room was the only one the cat was able to get in; just… Miles: …a mountain of cat shit… Miles: …was just on her bed.
Barbara and Burnie (groan in disgust) Burnie: Cats are vengeful. Barbara: Oh, fuck.
Miles: Yeah. Miles: They said that she cried, and it was the best day of his young childhood.
Gavin: They also– (Laughter) Gavin: Cats will also attempt to bury, no matter what the surface, Gavin: like, the cat has tried to bury its piss, Gavin: by, like, just scrunching up the covers. Gavin: It’s clever. Burnie: Is it clever? Is that clever?
Gavin: Yeah, he’s like, “It’s not litter, but I’ll still bury this piss.” Barbara: Again, Dan. (laughter) Alfredo: Oh, hey! Alfredo: I’m not Gavin, because he’s nowhere to be found. Alfredo: But, if you liked this video, make sure to like, subscribe, and there’s more to watch down below. Alfredo” This is– is this his toy?