WE HATE NINTENDOGS


[Into music] Matt: Mmm, mm, mm Ryan: Ooo, hear that? Matt: Ooo it’s a lil pup (Ryan: Ooo) Matt: It’s a lil pup, dude Ryan: Are we gonna play with some puppies? Matt: Dude, we’re gonna play with puppies today because, Ryan, what game are we playing? Ryan: Nintendogs! Matt: Yes we are! Ryan: Now why are- why are we playing this? Because you- you mentioned something. It’s actually something very big for Nintendogs. Matt: Today- or (Both: The day that we’re recording this) Matt: Is the eleventh anniversary of Nintendogs. Matt: So we thought that, you know Ryan: Let’s give them a round of applause, c’mon. *Clapping* Ryan: *Still clapping* Good job. Good job, Nintendo. Matt: Holy shit dude, “There’s always plenties of puppies packed with personality waiting for you”. Ryan: Yes! Matt: Dude, I am continuing. Go on in and try that puppy out! Ryan: Oo let’s try them out, dude. Matt: “Would you like to buy a puppy? Or would you like to look at the kennel puppies?” Matt: What should we do Ryan? Matt: *Mumbling* Do you just wanna go ahead and buy one? Ryan: No, I wanna go look at the puppies. Matt: Okay, let’s go look at the puppies. (Ryan: We gotta see which puppies we’re gonna play with!) Ryan: Aww, yeah! (Matt: They’re so cute, dude!) Ryan: I like that little red one! That little weiner dog! Aww. Matt: Yeah look at him, his name is Lucky. (Ryan: Get the fuck back, Daisy, Jesus.) Matt: Playing with the little weiner dog. (Ryan: Look how cute he is! Yes yes yes!) Matt: Aw, give him a little pet. (Ryan: He’s eyeing us down.) Matt: Aw there we go, there we go. (Ryan: He wants to have some fun!) Matt: Yeahh! Ryan: Dude pet that rump! Matt: Oo yeah, pet that rump, dude. (Ryan: Pet that rump!) Matt: You like that, boy? (Ryan: Can you get his-) Ryan: *Excited* Aw yeah you KNOW he loves it! Look at that face! Ryan: I’ve never seen a face full of pleasure more than Ann Watson- but this face (Matt: *Snicker* Ryan) Ryan: that’s right up there! Matt: Are you comparing my Mom to a dog now? Ryan: When i’m *censored* Matt: Holy (Ryan: *Intense laughter*) Matt: Oh my god. (Ryan: *Still laughing*) Matt: Alright, we’re gonna forget that just happened. Ryan: (Still laughing) Matt: We’re gonna buy a puppy. Ryan: Oh there’s more puppies? Matt: Yes, german shepherd, golden retriever, beagle. Matt: I like the little- (Ryan: I love beagles!) Matt: I did like the minatiure doxen, dude. Ryan: Oh that yorkshire terrier? Matt: Wanna get him? Ryan: Yess! Matt: Alright let’s get this little shit. Ryan: Ohh yeah! Matt: Okay, which one do we want? Ryan: Uh (Matt: There’s two females and a male.) Matt: Do you wanna get a male? (Ryan: Yeah.) Matt: Nice, it’s a man’s world. What can I say? (Ryan: *Giggles*) Ryan: Look at that butthole! They put buttholes on the dogs. (Matt: *Surprised* Oh, wow.) Ryan: Look how cute! Ryan: I probably sound like a fucking child. *Laughing* Matt: *Imitating Ryan* Oh it’s so cute! Ryan: I can’t help it, I love dogs. Matt: Woof woof! Ryan: It- yep. Matt: Oh shit, what is this? Ryan: Uh oh. (Matt: We’re home dude.) Matt: Look how nervous this little shit is. (Ryan: Is he gonna pee?) Matt: “When your puppy gets close to you, it’s your chance to ineract with him.” Ryan: Touch ’em. Matt: Okay, dude. (Ryan: Touch ’em.) Matt: Here we go. (Ryan: Are you gonna touch ’em?) Matt: ‘Bout to touch ’em. (Ryan: Touch ’em.) Matt: Oh I gotta hit that button. (Ryan: Oh.) Matt: C’mon. (Ryan: Let us touch you.) Matt: C’mon little shit. (Ryan: Oh?) Matt: Ooo (Ryan: Yeahh) Matt: Let’s play with him, dude. (Ryan: Ooo) Matt: Hey buddy, it’s okay. Ryan: He loves getting touched! Matt: You like that? Matt: Turn around, dude. (Ryan: Dude) Matt: Turn around. Ryan: Dude, let us scratch that rump of yours. Matt: Yeahh- oh! (Ryan: Ooo) Matt: Nice- yes! Ryan: Right on the asshole- yes! Matt: Dude look at the face he’s like *moans*. Ryan: Just like, scratch the crust off of that. Matt: Oh, Ryan. Ryan: What? Matt: Little- oo! Ryan: It’s how I like my sandwiches… (Matt: Like asshole?) Ryan: No crust. *Laughs* Matt: I like my sandwiches how I like my assholes. No crust. (Ryan: *Laughs*) Matt: Alright, so. So we got to know him, we got to know him. Matt: But can we name him or anything, like? Ryan: I think.. didn’t they already give him a name? Matt: Did he have a name? Ryan: Thought so. Matt: I wanna name him. Ryan: How do we name him? Matt: Ryan I don’t know what to do. (Ryan: Can you click down on that thing below him?) Matt: I don’t know what to do, Ryan. Ryan: You don’t- what? (Matt: Save?) Matt: Save your efforts up to this point? Ryan: Sure. Matt: *Sarcastically* Let me save my efforts. Ryan: What’s goin’ on? Matt: *Sarcastically* All of our hard efforts. Ryan: *Giggles* Of touchin’ our dog. Matt: Okay, so Matt: Oo look at that- dude, we have a fuckin’ nice view. Matt: Are those cows? Ryan: Are they? Matt: Wait are those cows and is that like a farm outside? *Mumbling* Ryan: They all look dead. Matt: We just gotta bunch of dead cows in the backyard. Ryan: Uh click on the little book over on the…there Matt: That’s the save button. Ryan: What’s going on here? Matt: Oh shit what have I done. (Ryan: Uh oh.) Ryan: Fuckin’ damn it. Matt: I hit a button and it paused. (Ryan: Load it back up- oh wait. You can-) Matt: There we go. Sorry I just paused it. Okay. Matt: I guess this button… Ryan: Do we just have to get acquainted with him? Matt: Yeah, I think we just have to get acquainted with him. Matt: Alright, buddy. Touching his asshole wasn’t enough. Ryan: Yeah, we gotta make sure we pet him a lot. (Matt: Yeahh) Matt: That’s right. You like that son? (Ryan: Just make sure he’s happy.) Matt: He’s likin’ that. Ryan: Oh, yeah. Ryan: Look at those beady eyes. Ryan: He’s lovin’ it! Matt: Beady eyes… reminds me of B.D Joe from “Crazy Taxi”. Ryan: *In voice from narrator of the game, Crazy Taxi* Crazy Taxi! Matt: Now, now say the current game title with that voice. Ryan: *In same voice* Nintendogs! Matt: Nice! Ryan: Almost like: Ryan: *In same voice* Try out the new super soaker! *Laughs* Matt: *Laughs* Dude, what are you doing being partnered up with me? You should- Ryan: *In same voice* Try out the new blastin’ super soaker! Ryan: *In same voice* You can get anyone wet! Matt: I just, uh, I tried out my new blastin’ super soaker on Cecile. [Audience laughter] Ryan: *In same voice* Yeahh! Blast that bitch! *Laughter* Ryan: Sorry Mom. *More laughter* Ryan: I was in character, I’m sorry. Ryan: I had to be *In same voice* crazy! Matt: Dude I’ve pet this little shit until the cows come home. Matt: Dead in the yard. (Ryan: Is anything happenin’?) Matt: Okay, here we go! “Surely you must have an idea of what you want to call this puppy, don’t you?” Matt: “Good! Because it’s time for you to name your puppy by saying it’s new name… out loud.” Matt: *Mubling* We’re using an emulator… (Ryan: Uhh.) Matt: *Talking fastly* I mean no we’re not! [Soft music] Matt: Uhh… Ryan: Uhh… Matt: Wait, can the mics work? Ryan: I don’t know, let’s test it out. Ryan: *Calling name* Butterscotch. Ryan: Um Matt: Oh shit dude. Both: *Calling name* Asshole. Ryan: *Calling name* Asshole! Asshole! Ryan: Damn it. Matt: Shit, what do we do? Ryan: Fuck! Ryan: *Calling name* Shelmon. Matt: Oh come on! (Ryan: Come the fuck on!) Matt: You little shit. Ryan: Okay let me try a regular name. Matt: Try… just try Steven. Ryan: Okay. Matt: Try Steven, just a regular name. Ryan: *Calling name* Steven! Ryan: *Calling name* Steven! Matt: There we go! Ryan: *Groans* Matt: So it must only be certain names… Ryan: “He heard you!” Matt: Alright so I guess his name is Steven now. Ryan: *Sighs* Ryan: *Calling name* Steven! Steven! Ryan: Fuckin’ (Matt: Dude!) Ryan: I just need to say it once. Matt: Just, just one time. (Ryan: Yeah, okay.) Matt: Just crystal clear- Steven. (Ryan: Yep, here we go.) Ryan: Steven. Matt: Fuck! Ryan: Steven! Ryan: Fuck! Damn. *Groans* Ryan: C’mon! God damn it we had it! (Matt: Steven learn your fuckin’ name!) Ryan: *Sighs* Ryan: Steven! *Sighs mixed with laughter* Matt: Steven. Matt: Come- you son of a bitch! Ryan: Fuckin’… Matt: I’m about to- (Ryan: We got this, no we got this. C’mon, c’mon.) Matt: I’m about to take this little shit back to the pound. Ryan: Steven! Steven! [Game plays back distorted version of the audio] Ryan: Oh God… Matt: Did you hear it play back your name? *Laughter* Matt: “He heard you!” Ryan: *Dissapointed* Noo! (Matt: Oh c’mon.) Ryan: Not again! *Groans* Matt: Why does it make you do it so many repeated times? Ryan: Here we go. (Matt: Oh ’cause you gotta teach him his name.) Ryan: Yeah. Ryan: Steven! Steven! *Sighs* Matt: Just one- (Ryan: I’m gonna get really close.) Matt: one clear “Steven”. Ryan: Okay. Ryan: Steven. Matt: Son of a bitch! Ryan: Motherfucker. Ryan: Steven! Steven! Ryan: Oh my god… Both: *Repeatedly saying “Steven”* Ryan: It’s only one more time I bet! Ryan: Steven! Steven! Steven! Steven! Steven! Ryan: *Groans* (Matt: It’ll happen eventually, you just gotta keep…) Ryan: Steven! [Game plays back distorted version of the audio] Matt: What the fuck… *Laughs* Matt: It worked. Ryan: “He heard you!” (Matt: Alright.) Matt: Stop! (Ryan: Stop it please!) Matt: Stop! Matt: I get the whole thing like you have to train them, like say his name multiple times. Matt: But our microphones are not working for this! (Ryan:*Laughs*) *Sighs* Ryan: Okay. Ryan: Steven! [Game plays back distorted version of the audio] Ryan: Okay! (Matt: There we go!) Matt: Is that you? Is that what you sound like? (Ryan: C’mon, please no more. No more.) Matt: Son of a bitch! Ryan: *Groaning* Oh my God! Ryan: Steven! Steven! Steven! Steven! Matt: Steven. *Groaning* Both: *Repeatedly saying “Steven”* Matt: *Angrily* What the FUCK? Matt: Steven! Matt: *Angirly* How many times do we have to say his name for him to learn it! (Ryan: I’m gonna look this up.) Matt: Ah fuck. Ryan: “Say puppy name.” (Matt: Fuck me!) Ryan: Come on, Matt! Matt: Yahoo answers never fuckin’ fails. Matt: “Okay so I have the chihuahua game and I got a Yorkie and I was trying to name her Bella.” Matt: “And I’m gonna get a boy Yorkie and name him Edward.” Matt: *Imitating writer* “Cute right!” *laughter* Matt: Ah well this isn’t what we want, God damn. Matt: We just gotta keep doing it. Keep doing it. (Ryan: Okay, okay.) Ryan: Steven! Ryan: Steven! Matt: Steven! Matt: Steven you’re fuckin’- we’ve been doing this for fifteen minutes, dude! Matt: We’ve been calling Steven’s name- (Ryan: Oh my god…) Matt: For fifteen fucking minutes! Both: *Repeatedly call the name “Steven”* Matt: Steven you fucking asshole! Matt: Alright, so it doesn’t wanna do “Steven” so we’re gonna try an easier name, alright? Matt: *Calls the name “Dale”* Ryan: *Giggles* Matt: Fred? Ryan: Trim. Matt: Bob? Bob! Matt: Let me in, bitch. Ryan: *Laughs* Matt: I’m here to look at the dogs and I don’t want to get a shitty one named Steven that doesn’t know his name. Ryan: Can we buy one with a name? Matt: Okay, we’re trying it again. Matt: Ah yeah, okay, cool. Ryan: There we go. Ryan: Oo he’s lappin’. Matt: It’s the face Cecile was makin’ while I was doin’ her with the doggy style. Ryan: Yup. There you go. Proud of yourself for that one? Matt: That’s a good one. *Chuckles* Ryan: Is it? Matt: Yeah! Rayn: *Laughs* You’re so confident! Matt: ‘Cause it was a fucking good joke, Ryan. Ryan: *Laughing* Matt: I think everyone in the comments will agree that that joke I made about Ryan’s Mom just now was Matt: one of the best one’s I’ve ever made. Right guys? Ryan: If, if- they probably all cried laughing. Matt: *Calling the name “Lucky”* Matt: *Groans* Ryan: *Laughing* Matt: I can’t do this! We’ve been doing this for thirty minutes! Ryan: We’ve literally been calling a god damn dog for thirty minutes. Matt: *Yelling* Why is it not working? Ryan: Why can’t we just type the name in? Matt: I wanna type the name in! Ryan: Why does there have to be a gimmick with naming our god damn dog? Matt: What if you’re a mute! Like, what you just can’t play the game? You have to get your Mom to do it? Matt: And every time you wanna call the dog you have to give the DS to your Mom to call the dog’s name? Matt: No! Just why? What about little kids that can’t speak yet that wanna play this game! Matt: Well, I guess they can’t read so that wouldn’t make sense either but come on! Ryan: *Giggles* Matt: Like I just wanna play with dogs- I wanna play Nintendogs! Matt: I wanna buy things and take it for walks! But we can’t fucking do it! Ryan: Go see if there’s like a fun little game that we can play real quick, like a little flash game, where you can play with a dog. Matt: “Play My Sweet Dog game online” Matt: Wait what is this? Ryan: This isn’t playing with dogs! Matt: I want a fuckin’ dog game! Ryan: God damn it! Matt: There we go. (Ryan: Okay.) Matt: Why is it Christmas music? Ryan: What do we do? Matt: Why is it playing Christmas music! Ryan: *Laughing* You’re so- Matt: I don’t get why you’re showing me this, Ryan. Ryan: *Giggiling* Just watch. Matt: What is this? (Ryan: Here we go. Yeah!) Ryan: It’s a video about a dog. Both: *Laughing* Yes! Yes! Yes yes! Yes! *Still laughing* Matt: Yes! (Ryan: Dogs! This is what we wanted, Matt!) *Still laughing* Matt: This is it, dude! (Ryan: This is what we wanted!) *Still laughing* Ryan: Oh man! *Still laughing* Matt: Oh! He doesn’t like that! (Ryan: He does not like that at all!) *Inaudible laughing* [Outro music] Thanks for letting me do the subtitles for this video. I’m happy to help in any way that I can! Love you guys, keep up the great work.

You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *