When the sky falls in

I used to have another reflection. For the first 14 years of my life I had a twin sister. It was my mother’s birthday. We went downstairs.
We gave our mother her presents. Then we realised that we had to catch the bus. I couldn’t find my keys and I was getting a bit annoyed. Like any normal teenagers, especially if you have someone who
is an image of you, you argue a lot. As we were walking up to the highway, my
mother came after us in the car. And she had my keys. And I took them from her and I continued to walk. My sister Yemmi turned around and said, ‘Thank you, Mum’. We saw the bus coming. The next second I heard a bang, and
I saw papers flying in the air. I saw my sister lying on the other side of the street. And I realised that…that she was dead. It was strange because it was such a beautiful
day. It was a beautiful sunny day and… ..a beautiful spring day. And that something so terrible could
happen, you know, I could never have imagined. I decided straight on that I was going
to go to school the next day. Because at the same time as ever I was scared
to see everybody, I needed to see them. I needed to face this as soon as possible. I think they wanted to talk to me but
I don’t think they knew what to say. So they…therefore they didn’t say anything,
and they didn’t even approach me. But I remember this one girl who I had never, ever spoken to before. She came up to me and she just hugged me.
And she said, you stay with me today. And to me that was, it was a stranger,
but she did exactly what I needed. The next couple of weeks, it was like the
ground had been taken away from my feet. I had nowhere to stand. I was falling. The first couple of months I remembered dreaming, waking up happy,
and the next moment crying and thinking, what is it? And then I’d remember. And then, after being so…and being in such a
dark place, I started to get angry. I argued with my family, with my mum and
dad because they were closest to me. And I can remember breaking things and screaming. And at the same time as I knew I had a reason to be angry,
I didn’t understand where all of this anger inside of me came from. It was like, I was exploding with anger. I had never done anything without her, and
it was like learning to walk again. I was going through a loss, and I was a
teenager at the same time. It was very difficult. A big help was that I decided to write a book… Because a lot of the emotions that I couldn’t explain to my
family in spoken words I was able to write down, and therefore kind of rid myself of the emotions. To put down in paper, it made me
understand why I was feeling so angry. And these were things that I was unable to communicate. Then, through time, I started to think of it differently. I started to think that it’s…it’s a privilege to
have lived my life with my sister. The good things that Yemmi had in her personality, I tried
to adopt them myself, to make them part of me. I think everybody wants to be happy and we
have this dream that we will be happy. We need to have that dream, keep that dream alive. Now I live in Spain with my husband. I think I’m quite an easy person. I think
that little things makes me happy. I’m very contented just going to a museum, or seeing
my friends. I find pleasure in the smallest things. I think a lot of people, when we went out here
to change our life, thought the decision was crazy. But I knew in my heart that I needed to
do this in order to be happy. You need to make those decisions. You need to find the strength. Even if other people around might not agree,
you are the judge of yourself.

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